Stress comes with the job in real estate, but it shouldn’t be unmanageable. If you feel like your work life is out of hand, know that you aren’t alone. Read these stories from your fellow REALTORS® about how they deal with professional hardships.
Then consider the advice from two therapists who specialize in career stress and burnout. Even agents and brokers who have good habits and systems in place may learn something new about responding to challenges.
Texas REALTOR® magazine asked members: “What aspects of your real estate career are stressful to you? How do you manage the stress of your real estate career?”
Answers have been edited for length and clarity.
Sara Bettale
eXp, Bacliff
As a brand-new real estate agent, I’d be dishonest if I said it wasn’t stressful. The sheer amount of learning that goes with any new career, coupled with the fast-paced environment of real estate, can really take a toll on your mental and emotional health. Trying to distinguish yourself in such a saturated market along with the process of building a new business is definitely tricky.
To help manage stress, I roller skate! I am a certified Roller Pump skating coach, and I teach a women’s beginner class on Monday nights. I’m lucky enough where I am able to take my love of a childhood pastime and turn it into my stress relief, my sport, and my part-time income.
Cheryl Boyland
Boyland & Associates Realty, Arlington
Obtaining legitimate leads and maintaining ongoing business relationships are heavy lifts that can be stressful. How do you not only develop prospects but turn clients into long-lasting relationships?
As a managing broker, it is my responsibility to manage the office with a focus on compliance, our company goals, and projected outcomes. Fortunately, I am also licensed as a professional mental health counselor (LPC-S). I coach agents through challenges such as building relationships with prospects, business partners, or last-minute changes during transactions. I teach them how to take the emotionality out of it. We typically do a debrief call and go over how they are feeling. We talk through coping skills or even a word bank of go-to phrases they can use in difficult situations.
Susan Butler
BHHS Caliber Realty, College Station
The stressful aspects of my real estate career are dealing with people and their assumptions about the process of buying or selling a home. I also get stressed out when clients are late to appointments and that throws off my schedule for the day. I have learned to be more flexible.
I have learned to manage my stress with exercise. When I finish work for the day, I work out right after work, and that has lowered my stress level a lot. I also do deep breathing exercises when stressed. Prayer is my first go-to when stressed.
Amy Fry
Blair Realty Group, Conroe
Time management and legal deadlines are always a concern.
I make it a point to take time off in a way that allows me to turn all devices off for a few days at a time at least a few times each year. I go to a favorite place dedicated to rest and relaxation. I like to go to Sedona each year and take a few days to hike and enjoy peace and quiet.
Louis “Bull” Guthrie
Landmasters, Llano
To me, it’s always closing that’s stressful because so many things can go wrong at closing. I do a lot with ranches and farms. When you’re dealing with big projects and big money, you’re dealing with extra inspections. That can be very uncomfortable because you don’t know what they’ll find and the buyer could still back out after the inspections.
Luckily, I’m one of the most low-stress guys on the planet. I put my faith in God and know it’s going to work out either way. If it falls through, it wasn’t meant to be. Stress is as temporary as you make it. Like my dad used to say, “What’s it gonna matter in 100 years?”
Randall Martin
CB&A, REALTORS®, Pearland
The uncertainty of things happening beyond my control often brings the most stress. For example, having to deliver bad news of a loan falling out or having to go back on the market with a listing, etc. We can plan all day long, but sometimes life happens.
I find the best way to remove the stress is to remove the wait time. When I have to deliver bad news, I just pick up the phone and dial. It helps to remind myself that some things are beyond my control. I’m a praying man, and I’ll often go to God and pray for the people I’m serving. I know His plan is larger than mine and this helps relieve the stress.
Reynalda McBee
Redbird Realty, Selma
As a new agent, it is challenging to get started with leads and the right support through the brokerage. The current state of the market can cause stress on making the income needed to live a lifestyle comparable to other job fields.
As a registered nurse and veteran, I have been training U.S. Navy sailors in operational stress control. We can recognize our own thought process through meditation, reflection, and writing about stressors and evaluating them as real or imaginary.
Use a healthy exercise routine, such as walking, yoga, or swimming. Also, remember that spirituality is the secret sauce to resiliency. Faith, hope, and prayer carried me through a 20-year career in the U.S. Navy. It is that powerful.
Brandee Jones
Franchise Real Estate Group, Cedar Hill
Consistently creating content for social media and finding balance in career, family, fitness, and spiritual life is stressful for me.
I handle it by knowing my limits, exercising, scheduling a stop time every day, and delegating work to help avoid burnout.
Scott Myers
Century 21 Scott Myers, REALTORS®, San Antonio
What stresses me are all of the things I have to do as a broker/owner, and always thinking of how to create more and more value to my agents. I’m always looking for ways to help my agents succeed, and always being available to help them. Making business decisions, keeping up with loads of emails, some of which need to be acted upon, is also stressful.
I try to leave the office on Saturdays about 2 p.m. and rarely go in on Sunday. I watch a lot of sports and catch up on my reading on those days and often have plans with friends. I also have season tickets to half of the San Antonio Spurs games and I thoroughly enjoy those games.
Shirley Parker
Halo Group Realty, Dallas
It stresses me when a listing doesn’t sell right away and the sellers don’t understand the market and refuse to take my advice about condition and price.
Get up early. Go for a brisk walk. Shower. Have a healthy breakfast. Get dressed and take care of business at home while listening to relaxing music or jazz.
Aubrey Shaw
Hill Country ONE Realty, Spicewood
What aspects are stressful? Clients are scared of all the bad things happening they’ve heard about. We are on call a lot of the time. Large sums of money are being dealt with. Wire fraud. People can change their minds at the drop of a hat. Strict timelines. Not knowing when you’ll get paid next.
I let clients know my business hours and systems for setting up meetings outside of those hours if needed. I set up systems so I don’t have to do it all. I make time for a yoga class or a walk/run early in the day—meditation, journaling, and writing out gratitudes daily—taking time off. Saving money and setting it aside helps me stay calm.
Thelma Franco is a licensed professional counselor with Stress to Strength Counseling in Frisco. She focuses on anxiety therapy, personal development counseling, and professional development coaching for professionals, entrepreneurs, and business owners.
Joan Mullinax is a licensed professional counselor with Eddins Counseling Group in Houston. The life coach, therapist, and career counselor focuses on stress management, work stress, and burnout syndrome among her specialties.
Advice from Professional Counselors
What advice do you have for folks experiencing stress and anxiety at work?
Thelma Franco: The best thing to do is address it. Avoidance is a common response; that never works.
Joan Mullinax: Recognize you’re not alone. Others are struggling as well. We have a tendency to compare our insides to others’ outsides. It’s good to have a little more self-compassion.
What are some of the most common reasons folks seek out help about their careers and work?
Franco: I’ve found that people fall into three categories. They’re having a conflict between what they want to achieve and the barriers in their work environment. They’re having career confusion and asking if what they’re doing is the right thing for them. Or something is breaking down, either emotionally, mentally, physically, or relationally. They’re noticing that they’re just not doing OK.
Mullinax: One of them is overwork. Most professionals have more on their plate than they can possibly do. They have trouble prioritizing what is important versus what is urgent. Many urgent things are not actually important. Also they may be experiencing a toxic work environment. People don’t realize that not all work environments are the same. The last category is job-fit issues. Not everyone is cut out to be an agent or broker. I was not cut out to be a software developer; becoming a counselor felt like coming home.
Am I Experiencing Burnout?
When does stress cross over into job burnout? Franco and Mullinax say to look for these characteristics:
- Emotional, physical, and mental fatigue
- Feeling hopeless
- A sense of reduced accomplishment or loss of personal identity
- A lack of job satisfaction
- Dragging yourself to work
- Becoming cynical or critical at work
- Impatience
- Brain fog and difficulty concentrating
- Intense and fluctuating emotions
- Forgetfulness
- Aches and pains.
It’s important to know the signs of burnout as well as your own personal responses to stress and distress, Franco says.
Notice how long your symptoms are lasting, Mullinax says. Are they persistent? Are they severe? Are they interfering with your health? Are they pervasive? “How much of your life is this affecting? At this point, you may want to consider professional help.”
Pay attention to external warning signs as well, she continues. A heavy workload, long hours, and struggles with work/life balance can lead to burnout. “Discuss your concerns with your broker, a mentor, or trusted colleague. Maybe you can change expectations. Seek support. Reach out to a colleague you trust. Friends or family members can help you cope or offer perspective.” Regular cardiovascular exercise, consistent sleep, and practicing breathing can help as well.
If you’re already feeling burnt out, the only option is to change something, Franco says. “Unfortunately, time and again, people continue to burn out rather than make changes. Fear of change is an obstacle you have to overcome.”
What are effective ways to handle stress?
Franco: Look at your habits. Develop good habits such as: a solid sleep schedule, regular meals, exercise and moving around, spending time in nature, cultivating good relationships, and staying away from toxic things. If you have unhealthy habits, such as habitually using alcohol as a stress reliever, you should start changing those things.
Mullinax: The key thing is to find ways to settle down your nervous system. Practice five minutes of daily meditation. Focus your mind on a sound. Breathe—long, slow inhalation followed by longer, slower exhalation. Another key is to aspire to excellence rather than perfection. Human beings are not built for perfection.
Agents are typically independent contractors. What are common stressors for folks who are self-employed?
Franco: The internal pressure to succeed. Folks get impatient and want to succeed quickly. Cyclical revenue streams is another one. When it first happens, agents may see it as a threat, and threats cause a stress response. They need to learn that it’s a normal business practice that happens to everybody. Being pulled in different directions as well and saying yes to too many things. Saying yes to things you shouldn’t say yes to leads to poor boundaries.
Mullinax: The buck always stops with them. Seek out assistance to help you accomplish things that don’t require your expertise. Figure out what’s reasonable to expect yourself to do. Set priorities and sequences. Not everything has to be done now. It feels like it, but it doesn’t.
Agents and brokers work with the public and occasionally deal with difficult people. What are some strategies for staying calm and not letting stressful situations get to you?
Franco: It’s really important to have what’s called a healthy detachment. People are going to get upset. What we need to do is stay focused and remind ourselves that we have a job to do. Our jobs are not to take on the emotions of other people. Focus is something we have to practice.
Mullinax: Actively practicing breathing is a big help. The other thing is learning about assertive communications. There are techniques you can use to stand your ground in difficult conversations. You can speak clearly and calmly, defuse situations, and find common ground without hostility. I use a book with my clients called The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships by Randy Paterson. It also talks about boundaries.
Have You Tried Sequencing?
Not every important task must be done immediately. Mullinax advocates sequencing, or scheduling work, as a way of alleviating stress. Blocking off time tomorrow to complete an important task may allow you to stop worrying about it today. You can stop thinking about it right now because you will get to it at the scheduled time.
She also advocates negotiating to find out how much time you have to complete a task. “Most of the people you deal with are reasonable people. If something is needed on Wednesday, ask, ‘Is it due first thing, or could I get it to you by noon?’ As long as they know they are on your list and you are reliable about fulfilling obligations, most people are willing to negotiate with you.”
What are some ways agents and brokers can establish professional boundaries, even with unpredictable work schedules?
Franco: You have to learn to say no respectfully. If you’re always saying yes, the chances of failing to meet that yes are really high. Then you’ll unintentionally disappoint and upset people. If you say no respectfully, you’re more likely to meet their needs. Also, it’s important to write down your priorities. If you write down everything that’s important and create your schedule to mirror those priorities, you don’t feel that disconnect. You’re giving attention to what’s important.
Mullinax: The question becomes How do I maintain my discipline whenever I have a break?, or How do I rest and recover when I have a break? Make peace with the fact that you’re in a profession that doesn’t have a predictable rhythm. Learn to take care of yourself and look for signs you are entering a busier or slower time.
Can you talk about emotional boundaries, like not taking your work home with you?
Franco: Good emotional boundaries means understanding that your help has limits. There comes a point after which you’re no longer productive, effective, or helpful. Taking work home by thinking about it after hours is wasted energy. That’s ultimately going to wear you out. You won’t be able to do your job. You’ll feel tired. Limits are the key things.
Mullinax: That’s a tough one for all of us. Create a prioritized to-do list to relieve your mind. Instead of worrying, remind yourself that it’s on the to-do list for tomorrow. Start decompressing as soon as work is done. Stand up, walk out of the room, and close the door behind you. If you’re commuting, instead of listening to news that may rile you up, listen to music or an audiobook. Or enjoy the silence.
Is It Stress or Anxiety?
Stress and anxiety may be commonly used interchangeably, but they are not the same thing.
“Stress is a short-term response to a threat we recognize,” Franco says. “We usually know what it is. It can be acute or chronic. We’re designed to deal with acute stress but chronic stress is a problem. When it’s anxiety, it lingers. We don’t always know the cause of the symptoms we’re having. When it’s more of that persistent worry that doesn’t go away even when the threat is not present, we have to really figure out what’s causing it.”
“Stress is not a diagnosable illness; anxiety is,” Mullinax adds. “All of us experience stress and we have strategies for dealing with it. When something starts going into anxiety, it’s useful to talk with a professional. The way to tell is when the issues are persistent
and disruptive.”
Do you have advice for people who are experiencing unpredictable income?
Franco: It’s very important to think long term. Having short-term goals are important, but clear long-term goals teach us to see the big picture. If we have those, we can handle the ebbs and flows. In addition, become good at budgeting and personal financial management. Maybe talk with a financial advisor. Make a simple budget.
Mullinax: That’s a common challenge for agents and brokers. Income can vary by the time of year. Just recognize that unpredictable things will happen. Plan for the inconsistency. During slower times, build in breaks and take time off to spend time with family or friends. During busy times, don’t spend everything you’ve got. When the cash is good, set some aside. Count on things to change.
What are some signs that someone should reach out to a counselor? What are the advantages of talking with a professional?
Franco: If you’re spinning your wheels. If you’ve tried some things on your own and it’s not working. Professionals can help you gain the perspective you lose when you’re deep in the weeds of what you’re going through. A professional can help you recognize that sense of reality and find a better perspective.
Mullinax: Professionals are trained in dealing with the issues you’re facing. Clients regularly tell me it’s great to talk with someone who is impartial and can provide an outside perspective.
Our friends and family love us and advocate for us. But sometimes they aren’t hearing your goals, only theirs.